Read Dary Matera's latest columns by clicking either link
Hold Off On Cheering Polygamist Leader's Arrest
Note: With the recent arrest Fundamentalist Mormon leader
Warren Jeffs, time to revisit a column I wrote a few years back
that resulted in my Double Secret Suspension from the Arizona
Republic - a suspension that is still in effect thanks to the
furious Mormons that rule the Republic. - Dary
Hang on everybody. This polygamy fight is getting nasty.
And suicidal. And grossly hypocritical.
How does it reek? Let me count the ways.
Much ado was made recently when a few scattered teenagers
"escaped" the fundamentalist Mormon communities of
Colorado City and Hildale, Utah. The prospect of teenage boys
running headfirst into safe houses promoting a life of grinding
monogamy is too absurd to consider, so one can assume these were
If the young ladies feel abused and want out, fine enough.
But lost in the stories is a frightening secondary aspect. Arizona
Governor J-Nap is using the escapees as witnesses in a legal
witch hunt she's mounting against the polygamists.
Meaning, the state is providing a safe haven, shelter and
food in return for the teens testifying against their parents,
relatives, and community.
Shades of Nazi Germany there.
And what about J-Nap and Arizona Attorney General Terry Goddard
themselves? The pair owe their lofty positions to a strong homosexual
lobby that heavily supported their campaigns. Personal freedom,
especially in marital issues, is the current issue de jour for
Someone please explain how J-Nap, Goddard and their homosexual
supporters can scream for government sanctioned marriages for
those practicing what many see as an abominable alternative lifestyle,
while at the same time intolerantly crushing the marital rights
of a less favored group?
Neat trick, considering that polygamy was widespread in the
Judeo/Christian culture upon which America was founded, while
homosexual liaisons are rarely accepted in any society.
It gets crazier. Into the fray jumps State Sen. Marilyn Jarrett
of Mesa. Jarrett is currently working on a new sex police bill
criminalizing marrying teenagers younger than 16. Is this about
protecting children, or is it about the civil war raging inside
the Mormon Church between the traditional fundamentalists sect,
and the "New Age" Mormons who sold out the beliefs
of their founders in exchange for Utah's statehood?
How many of Brigham Young or Joseph Smith's legion of wives
were teenagers when they married? Those two polygamous males
remain icons of the Mormon church both New Age and fundamentalists.
Here's a question for Sen. Jarrett. Do you really want to
invite government scrutiny of the Mormon Church a religious
body rife with secret ceremonies and strident views? Once you
invite the liberal democrat jackboots in to help hammer your
enemy, how are you going to root them out? Are you ready for
Mormon church sanctioned homosexual marriages?
As for J-Nap and Goddard, do you really think the folks in
Colorado City and Hildale are going to take your hypocritical
religious meddling lying down? They're already arming themselves
for a Holy War, and are expected to wage an intensive and violent
fight to protect their beliefs.
What we have is the makings of another Waco and Jonestown
only a lot bigger and much worse.
As for the teens trickling into the monogamy safe houses,
let's put that into perspective. Imagine the reaction if J-Nap
created a safe house for teens tired of doing homework? Or one
for teens who want to stay up all night? Or teens who hate the
curfews put on them by meanie parents? Or teens who want to get
tattoos and wear hip huggers?
The trickle would turn into a flood.
The polygamous Mormons at the border are already imploding
from within due to wretched leadership. The whacked out, Castro-like
honcho running things (Jeffs) recently excommunicated all his
rivals including four of his own brothers. Tensions are
on a razors edge.
And here, good ol' J-Nap wants to give them a reason to unite?
Read Dary Matera's previous columns at:
An Angry Army of .08 Felons
I've had it with MADD.
Lower blood-alcohol limits, combined with pressure tactics
pushing for intensified police scrutiny and outright jackboot
oppression, have turned thousands of regular Joes and Sues into
You know the story. Average hardworking citizen stops off
at a sports bar after work to catch a baseball game or hang with
the girls. They have two or three beers and feel relaxed. Afterward,
they think nothing of hopping into their car and cruising the
remaining few miles home. They navigate the route perfectly,
breaking no traffic laws, causing no accidents, killing no mother's
kid. Only this evening, they get pulled over. Why? The cops were
staking out the joint. Shooting fish in a barrel.
Joe and Sue, who have no clue how to legally regulate their
blood alcohol level, fail the test. For the next six months,
their lives are hell. They'll pay $2,500 to $10,000 in fines,
court costs and possible legal fees. Their auto insurance will
triple. They'll spend hours in mind-numbing driving safety classes.
They'll serve a mandatory jail sentence in some wretch prison
surrounded by real crooks. They'll be branded criminals, lectured,
beaten down and humiliated. They might even lose their job.
In some states, including Arizona, those arrested for minor
DUIs now have to attend every preliminary hearing, sheepishly
begging time off from work to do so. They can also be served
and hassled by the police at their workplace. The stated intent
is to embarrass those arrested - guilty or innocent -- and
force them to bend over, abandoned all hope, and quickly plead
guilty instead of opting for their right to a fair trial.
Why the hell are we sitting still for this?
Joe and Sue deserved it, you say? They broke the law. Well,
guess who also broke the law in this scenario? The police officer
who pulled them over perjured himself in court, falsely testifying
that they were weaving to justify the stop. It's the way the
DUI game is played.
In fact, sit in on a DUI trial and you'll invariably find a prosecutor
who knows the cop is lying, a judge with a god-complex who's
aware the prosecutor coached the cop, along with an oily, no-money-down
defense attorney who's going to bleed his client dry. The defendant
is the most innocent person in the courtroom.
Left unsaid is why the police stake out some sports bars and
nightclubs, chasing away customers, while others, like the high
end money pits in every city's party district, stay cop free?
Payoffs? Political pull?
If someone's clearly impaired and weaving through a school
zone at 3 p.m., hit them hard. If someone causes an accident
while drunk, add that to the list of crimes. If a driver kills
or hurts a fellow citizen while bombed, pile that on the rap
sheet. But if someone does absolutely nothing more than drive
home perfectly straight without incident on a deserted, kid-free
highway late at night, leave them alone.
Yet, those are the vast majority of DUI cases clogging up our
overwhelmed legal system. And the growing trend in many municipalities
is Zero Tolerance. They prosecute folks for blowing any number
at all, even .01s. A friend was run through the system for a
.026 - a single beer over a long dinner.
In Texas recently, the impatient cops weren't even waiting
for bar patrons to enter their cars. These modern day storm troopers
lurked inside, spying on peoples' personal drinking habits, and
then arbitrarily busted them right on their stools. The reasoning
was to arrest the potential violators before they even thought
about entering their vehicles.
And why not? We've spinelessly accepted all the other abuses
the il-legal system has piled on us. This is merely the next
Let's get real for a moment. Consider what would happen if
people actually followed the current DUI laws. Ninety percent
of the nation's sports bars and nightclubs would close within
months. Half the restaurants would follow. Thousands of people
would be out of work. Multiply these numbers statewide and nationally,
and you get the picture. A collapsed economy resulting from an
overzealous police state.
I've never had a DUI. But I've been forced to do the street
waltz numerous times. Once after leaving a 24 hour supermarket
next to a popular nightspot known for great live bands and oppressive
police stake outs. The cop said I was weaving, which was a crock,
and made me look at his pen and breathe into a machine. An amusing
diversion while sober, but a chilling reminder of out-of-control
Another time, I was yanked to the shoulder at 1:15 a.m. after
viewing a late movie. The excuse this time was a drive by shooting
report involving a similarly colored car. Fair enough, but how
did a shooting investigation suddenly become another pen-and-breathalyzer
road dance? Come on. I simply had the misfortune of going home
at bar closing time.
Enough with this nonsense. There are plenty of real criminals
around to keep honest, upstanding police officers busy. No need
for an army of DUI Meter Maids to create a new class of .08 Felons.
Read Dary Matera's previous columns at:
South Park Pulls a Giant Fast One on the Media and Muslims
By Dary Matera
Oh those sneaky South Park guys.
As expected, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone
jumped into the deadly "can't show the Prophet Mohammad's
face" controversy recently with a much ballyhooed two-part
episode that threatened to display the Muslim icon in all his
That the prophet's appearance was totally inconsequential
to the "Cartoon Wars I and II" episodes' actual plot
added to the sheer arrogance of the stunt. Parker and Stone were
going to expose America to Muslim hatred, violence, riots, and
bloodshed just for the sheer thrill of it.
"Cartoon Wars" was actually about the hilariously
hateful and conniving Eric Cartman character being angry over
comparisons to the rival Family Guy animated series. Reason seemingly
prevailed when the offending scene of Mohammad coming to the
Family Guy's door to deliver one of those gag beer helmets had
the prophet's face blacked out in deference to Muslim custom.
A written disclaimer then flashed on screen that stated Comedy
Central, the cable network that airs South Park's first run episodes,
bowed to pressure and decided not to show Mohammad's mug.
In a scathingly bitter irony, the story ended with extremely
humiliating depictions of Jesus and President Bush defecating
up a storm. The biting message being that the Christian savior
and American president can be savaged at will in multiculturalized
America, but it's hands off when it comes to that Mohammad guy.
Biting indeed. And extremely disturbing. Somnambulant Christians
might want to think about doing a little rioting themselves on
behalf of their messiah's sullied honor.
That aside, the story, however, didn't end there. Parker,
Stone and possibly Comedy Central had another typically devious
card up their sleeves. A short time later, when the media attention
subsided, South Park aired an old episode from July 2001 skewering
magician David Blaine. The gist was that Blaine declared himself
a god because he could perform better tricks than the old time
deities. Jesus, a regular guest star on South Park who hosts
a television talk show, united the earth's major religious figures
in a parody of the Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman "Super Friends"
comics and battled Blaine for godly supremacy.
Lo and behold, there among Buddha, Joseph Smith, Moses, Krishna,
Jesus and the rest of the earth's old school gods and prophets
was none other than the troublesome Mohammad. Not only was the
fire-throwing Arab icon repeatedly portrayed, but the decidedly
unflattering caricature hit his marks and spoke his various "get
Blaine" lines without hindrance or hesitation.
The episode received nary a mention in the press, and incensed
fundamentalist Muslims failed to behead anyone in retribution
anywhere on the planet. Nor did riots ensue when eagle-eyed viewers
noted that even in the "Cartoon Wars" episodes that
respectfully blotted out Mohammad's face, the sneaky creators
had already slipped it into the MTV-like quick cut montage that
serves as the opening credits.
As Cartman would say, "Sweeeeeeeeet."
The moral to this little cardboard tale is as muddied as it's
multifaceted. The first bares repeating. Violent religious radicals
in repressed nations have successfully managed to elevate the
hushed respect for their prophet far above the once sacred Christian
messiah. And their long reach has extended to a powerful, Christian-dominated
democratic nation strangled by a bizarre and confusing form of
political correctness. Satirists in America can savage Jesus
and the President in unspeakable ways, but can't so much as show
the face of a foreign prophet revered by some of our most fervent
That is, of course, unless nobody in the media is paying attention.
Then they can ridicule the foreign prophet as well. And repeat
it in syndication without repercussion.
As the oft-killed Kenny would exclaim, "mmvatttt the
Stan and Kyle, South Park's eight-year-old voices of reason,
didn't even pretend to postulate anything significant from the
ordeal, although Stan gave it a shot with a lack luster spiel
about religious unity itself a form of superior religious
Hopefully, the rest of us learned something far greater about
caving in to the loudest, most violent bullies on the block
the porcine Cartman notwithstanding.